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Love is arguably the strongest emotion and the most powerful (rivaling hatred of course). But you know how the line goes:
“LOVE CONQUERS ALL”-Virgil
And you are (not arguably) the most important person in your own life, so why do so many people fail to love themselves? If you’re not sure if you love yourself, then chances are you don’t (at least not enough), but if aren’t sure ask yourself the following questions:
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6 Signs you don’t love yourself
- Do you avoid spending a lot of alone time?
- Do you feel comfortable ‘being yourself’ in public or around friends and family?
- Do you spend any time doing self-care?
- Do you shy away from expressing your opinions, even around friends and family?
- Can you define your core values?
- Do you find you put yourself down often?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, you have a problem with loving yourself and it is destroying your self-esteem! But it’s okay, we can fix that. In fact it’s not shocking at all. Society has a tendency of forcing people to hate themselves. It goes by the name of advertising.
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Self-Hatred is the status quo
Advertising is the technique of creating a problem so that a product or service can fix it. For example, a product such as a weight loss pill, may only directly affect someone obese. However, an advertisement showing a person slightly overweight but finding happiness when they use this product, suddenly shifts the mindset that to be happy, we need to be thin and this product can do that! Enough products and advertisements reinforcing this mindset and suddenly that becomes the societal construct and the status quo. Advertising lives on self hatred, it thrives on it, in fact our economy is built on that hatred.
So what happens when we love ourselves? Our priorities shift. It doesn’t mean our economy will shut down if we all start to love ourselves, it just means our intentions, and our focus will change. Instead of spending money on products and services chasing the status quo, we chase our ambitions instead. We begin to seek out time with our passions, and experiences with our loved ones (including ourselves)! It’s a beautiful shift, and it is an achievable one! Breaking the status quo isn’t about changing the world, it’s about changing YOUR mindset and building your self-confidence to do so.
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So how do find this self-acceptance? Here are 6 ways to find love within yourself!
6 Ways to practice self love every day
- TALK TO YOURSELF: It’s not as crazy as it sounds! Just treat yourself like another person in the room, respect your own opinion by talking out your thoughts and concerns. Share the excitement with yourself. Congratulate yourself on things well done, and share in the disappointment to learn from mistakes. Treating yourself like a human being helps your brain realize you are a human being worthy of self-respect.
- BE THANKFUL FOR YOURSELF: You say thank you when someone holds a door for you right? Treating yourself like a human being worthy of respect includes thanking yourself even for the small things (especially the small things)! Thank yourself every chance you get. Say thanks for cooking dinner, thanks for accomplishing a chore, say thanks for rocking that fantastic outfit!
- PERSONALIZE AFFIRMATIONS: If you haven’t added daily positive affirmations to do your list, I highly recommend you start now. But don’t stop there, personalize them. Instead of saying “I love myself” try “I love you [insert your name here]!” Adding your name reinforces the statement, and directly connects you to the affirmation.
- CORRECT NEGATIVE ATTENTION: Find yourself expressing negative self-talk? Correct it immediately at least twofold. It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe it to be true, do it anyway. The more you correct yourself, the less often you will need to. You won’t learn from mistakes by being harsh on yourself, you will learn by loving yourself! So when you find yourself saying something like “I’m so stupid” immediately fix it by saying “I am so smart and intelligent and beautiful”.
- TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF: Self Care has become a trendy buzzword, but it’s still incredibly important. The important thing to remember is self-care should not be expensive, or fancy, or even materialistic. Self-care is about YOU and taking care of YOU. It’s not about collecting gadgets, spending money on spa treatments, or spoiling yourself into credit card debt! So find ways to incorporate a moment of relaxation into your daily schedule: reading a book, taking a bath, dancing to music, etc. Taking care of yourself makes yourself a priority and shows your brain that you deserve that love!
- TURN WEAKNESS INTO STRENGTHS: Ever been to a job interview where they ask your greatest weakness? Experts always say turn that weakness into a strength and the same is true for yourself! When doing a task you’re not the strongest at, admit it, and turn it on its head. “I tend to be stubborn and inflexible, but that makes me great at staying organized and dedicated to my tasks!” Finding a way to admit weakness but make it stronger is a beautiful way of boosting your confidence!
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The trick is to go confidently in the direction of self-love. You are WORTHY of being loved, and a valuable and important component to not only your life but everyone surrounding you. Self-love is about taking care of yourself, accepting yourself for who you are, and becoming the best version of yourself. So give yourself the gift of self-love. You deserve it, and a little bit of practice each day will transform your life in ways you can’t even imagine!
What other tips would you add to this list?
Great post. I recently started taking care of myself and I need to say I’m a lot better than I was.
I love affirmations, I am concentrating on self-care more from 2019 and will be continuing forever. Great post. Also, I have nominated you for sunshine blogger award, you can check my blog or FB page for details. I Love your blog!
I couldn’t have read this post at a more perfect time! I did answer yes to some of those questions, but I am not surprised. I had made a plan to love myself more this coming up year! ❤️❤️❤️
It is really interesting to see how with all the social media that this type of mindset has become so prevalent. First it was beauty magazines now it is your neighbor, or fomo happiness starts from within not from within the shopping cart.
Great article thank you. It’s only when we love and accept ourselves for who we are that we can truly love and accept others for who they are. When we all do that, it makes for a more loving and accepting world.
The tips you share for learning to love yourself are excellent. And I’d like to add another one. In my work of helping people share their true stories, I have found, that when someone looks at their own story through the lens of a story-teller they can see very clearly how amazing they are for being able to arrive in life where they are at.
I’ve seen people who have thought they are “losers”, “victims” and “without hope” see how much courage they have shown to have gotten through what they have been through. When people tell their own story, they experience their own wisdom. They recognize how much of a miracle they are just for being born.
We are all flippin’ miracles!
Absolutely love this post. Thank you for sharing.
I wrote about the need for self love a while back but still clearly have much to learn since some of the things you touched upon, I’ve not even mentioned.
I love how you talked about the impact of advertising as it’s insidious and seductive.
So easy to start thinking that you’re not enough when you’re bombarded by it all the time.
[…] [RELATED: How to Practice Self Care When the Status Quo is Self-Hate] […]
This is such a helpful post! I’ve struggled with self love for a long time! Society’s pressure definitely has an affect on me. I’ll be taking note!
This is a great post! It is on each of us to make a point of incorporating self-love into our regular routines. You have some simple, easy to put into practice suggestions here.
[…] [RELATED: How to Practice Self Care When the Status Quo is Self Hate] […]
I love doing affirmations. They are such a great way to remind ourselves that we are enough.
Love your posts
Having a gratitude journal that I wrote in everyday for a year, really helped me with seeing life in a different perspective. You learn to love yourself and others more when you understand how beautiful life is.
I loved the personalizing the “I love you (insert your name here)” mantra. I’ve already told myself a much of times throughout reading this article. Great read. Thank you!
[…] [RELATED: How to Practice Self Love When the Status Quo is Self Hate] […]
[…] [RELATED: Why Society Thrives on Self Hatred and How to Break the Status Qho by Practicing Self Love] […]
Wow! This is eye opening, been putting self care and alone time to the side lately. Thanks for shaking me up.
The bit about advertising is totally true. I also blame Social Media. That’s definitely something that needs to be taken with a large pinch of salt. These super “inspiring” Instagram accounts with the perfect curls and smiles and tummys take so much time to plan out and project such a wrong image.
[…] Society has created these illusions of what motherhood and parenting should look like. The ironic part is there is no ‘one illusion’ so the ideal parent depends entirely on who you ask. […]
[…] [RELATED: Why Society Thrives on Self Hatred, and How to Break the Status Quo by Practicing Self Love] […]
I love this post! I definitely struggle with this, pretty much my whole life. I’m hard of hearing and my whole childhood I felt different. Now as a mom it’s a whole different world and it’s very easy to get down on yourself for not being the “perfect” mom. These exercises in this post to help love yourself are really good and something I will need to do.
I couldn’t agree more! Society has turned self confidence into being pushy, having love for yourself into being vain, and taking care of yourself into being a show off. You bring up some great points and ways to change the view we have of ourselves! Thank you!
This really hits home, especially as a mom. We have to take time for ourselves because we are giving so much to our babies. Great read!
Self care seems to be something women put on the back burner, unfortunately. I’m glad you are bringing attention to such topics! Self care, self love is so important for our health.
This is a beautiful post. If you don’t love yourself noone will. I need to practice self care.
I think when you look good, you feel good. And when you feel good, you do good! Im a hairstylist and see daily what a little hair self care can do for someone. Great article!
These are great tips. I have three girls + I worry about how they feel about themselves. The world is such a rough place so I want them to love themselves + to feel comfortable in their own skin, which is so hard when the outside world is hammering away at you.
Thanks for sharing!
I love love LOVE this post!! I try to speak to people that society wants to change us all the time, they want us to hate ourselves. I think we should always stand up to that by showing how much we can and do love ourselves. It feels so much better and has such a better and bigger impact on our mental health and physical health even. Thanks for sharing the love!!!
Thanks for shining a spotlight on this issue. I try to surround myself with positive people. I also pray and make sure that what I read, watch and listen to is positive and will help me grow as a person.
This is such an important topic. As women, we often put caretaking others above all else. We forget that we ourselves deserve all the love, compassion and care that we give to others. We need to love ourselves first before we love others.
I need to have my girls read this. I didn’t answer yes to your questions but I do relate to the other reader who commented. I tend to say I’m sorry a lot to avoid something. Not sure what though!
I like that your bringing attention to something that has become so normalized in our society!
I loved this post. I have for as long as I can remember struggled with self love. I have a bad habit of constantly saying sorry (even if there was nothing for me to be sorry for) or saying negative things towards myself. I am working hard on changing that. Thank you for this post.